Have I ever told you how good I am at multi-tasking? I always have been. I can sit across from you and pretend that I care about every word that drips from your lips; nodding, smiling, making eye contact, throwing in an "uhuh, "mmhmm," or "yeah," all at the same time as I am internally despising and picking apart every ounce of your being.
Staring into those sad eyes, that have never had a reason to be sad, have known nothing but privilege and entitlement. I'm straining to find any sign of a conscience.
Uhuh.
Your slicked back hair falling over your eyes, a shadow revealing your true darkness. You push it back, restoring the mask, you put on for the world.
Mmhmm.
You loosen your tie, and roll up your sleeves, while still talking. What a relief it must be, after a hard day's work. Loosening the grip of reality from your neck. Like the grip you have around mine, that only gets tighter with time.
Yeah.
How happy we must look to anyone who passes by.
Smiling at one another. You still haven't stopped talking. I sit, soaking up whatever the fuck is still dripping from your lips, while dissecting every part of you I cannot stand.
Uhuh.
01.
Smoked me like your last cigarette,
Swore you’d never forget,
So why do I feel like shit?
Inhaling your words, swallowing them deep,
Blowing out the sweet memories and coughing up all our dreams.
Smoke fills the room and I can’t see,
Past the lies you constantly fed to me,
Disgusted with the smell, I flee,
But this isn’t something that will wash off easily.
Your black lungs addicted to the ups and downs,
How it became so routine to watch me drown.
Even in your dark cloud of smoke,
It was clear you liked to watch me choke.
All those apologies and promises, but they lacked remorse.
So quitting was the only choice.
Just in time for you to pull out that new pack,
Of deceit and lies, only to backtrack.
Keep it for yourself; I’ve had my share.
From now on, I only breathe in clean air.