I am so damn over myself.
Allowing myself excuses I would never accept from anyone else.
How indulgent.
Poisoning myself with self sabotage, of which I am too aware.
Self awareness is a burden. It must be nice to live without it, unaware of affects of words or actions. How they will affect me or anyone else. I care too much about everyone else. My therapist tells me to be more selfish, but I do not know how.
Empathic.
I take on everyone else's burdens. Burying mine deep underneath theirs. Too busy worrying about them to tend to myself.
Living in the holy now. Avoiding any plans of the future. The, I'll start tomorrows, stacked so high, they would tumble to the ground with the addition of just one more.
The only way to live, for me, as of late has been in the now. Any big plans have been disrupted by life happening, so why even bother?
The days, the months, the years are flying. I am stuck in the now, avoiding important decisions, planning for the future, and taking care of myself.
I'll start tomorrow.
